Persuasive writing - why we should fix our field

We have been having a go at writing a piece of  Persuasive writing. Here is my piece of writing about why we should fix the field .

Title A Short Statement about the topic. eg. ‘Rugby League Is A Great Sport’	Fix The Field NOW
Overview/ Statement of position A brief statement of your view about the topic.  What you believe or want to argue.	I strongly believe we should ita (fix) the field NOW! I think we need the field to practice sport on. Last year we couldn't use the papa tākaro (field) as much as it was always boggy. We have too many people getting hurt on the concrete. The school needs to have special events like the gala to raise money.
Series of Arguments Reasons Your points supporting your view about the topic.  Your arguments to support your statement and information to support these arguments. Remember -argument -supporting detail, reasons, examples	Firstly, the field was constantly boggy last year I did not like it.  This year we have  no field which is worse.  If you ita (fix) it inaianei (now) we can use it more. In the winter and when it rains the night before. If it is tāpokopoko (boggy) we can slip over and get all muddy.
	Secondly, sport teams can not train in a crowded area and if we still train on the court we can fall on the concrete. if we ita (fix) the papa tākaro (field) we can play more sport. if we go on the field we don't get hurt on the concrete.
	Thirdly, we have too many people getting HURT because we don't have half of our school playground as we did last your. There are heaps of people playing in one place. And in that one place we are getting in each other's wey and it isn't fun!
	Finally, the school needs to have special events like the gala to raise many for the school so we can have a GOOD school! To pay for buses, shows and plays..
Concluding statement Summing it up.  A summary of your arguments and your view on the topic.	In conclusion we need to ita (fix) our field because last year the papa tākaro (field) wos tāpokopoko (boggy) and sports teams can’t train in a small space. People are getting hurt in the small space we have right now. We also need to have special events. SO FIX THE FIELD  NOW! or I’ll go home and stay there!